Andy Gnome Sez…..

   Posted by: woodbeecarver   in

ANDY HANDY DANDYANDY SEZ….. “Some are WISE and some are OTHERWISE.  Seek to be OTHERWISE.”

The “wise” follow the wisdom of “conventional wisdom” while the “otherwise” follow the “path less traveled,” the “beat of another drummer,” and “it is more the journey than the destination.”

Journey with  Jerome “Andy” Gnome as he travels the path of serendipity discoveries of the humorous, the obvious often overlooked and the wisdom of the “otherwise.”

ANDY SEZ….. “To argue with a fool once, one has to try.  To argue with a fool the second time is to ‘Make a fool of oneself .’

ANDY SEZ…..   “I have thoughts yet to be thought, mistakes yet to be tried and friends yet to meet.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “I may be dumb but at least I am not smart.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “I am not as smart as some people think.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Keep an open mind and you will never be full of it.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Is ignorance something one is born with or does one choose to be ignorant?”

ANDY SEZ…..  “It is not that people are ignorant, it is that they know too much of what ain’t so.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Lazy?  ‘Actions speak louder than words,‘ and I am the silent type.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Someone once observed that politicians are like bananas in that they start out green, turn yellow and end up rotten.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Someone observed that the trouble with common sense is that it is not too common.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Someone observed that ‘Horse Sense’ is just plain stable judgement that causes horses not to bet on the human race.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “There is ‘Common Sense’ , ‘Horse Sense’ and then there is ‘Nonsense.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Someone referred to a headache as being a ‘Two monkeys and one banana headache.'”

ANDY SEZ….. “A word to the wise, ‘Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative at the same time.’

ANDY SEZ…..  “Never monkey with another monkey’s monkey.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Wisdom comes from having Good JudgementGood Judgement comes fromExperience. Experience comes from having Bad Judgement.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “If ‘Silence is golden, and ‘Talk is cheap,’ why do people offer their ‘two cents worth?’

ANDY SEZ…..  “The word SILENT and the word LISTEN are the same letters.

ANDY SEZ…..  “Old cowboy saying: ‘Blessed is the man who can not be persuaded to say anything .'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “After all is said and done, more is said than done.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “If someone offers ‘A penny for your thoughts,’ it might mean that your thoughts are not worth ‘Two Cents .'”

ANDY SEZ….  “Whine is made from sour grapes.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Someone posed the question, ‘If winners never quit and quitters never win, what fool said, Quit while you are ahead?’ ”

ANDY SEZ…..  “The Old Boys Law: You do not learn anything the second time you are kicked by a mule.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “The way things are going in Washington DC, it is no wonder because they call it CON-gress rather than PRO-gress.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “A brain storm comes from cloudy thinking.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “If ignorance is bliss why are not more people happy?”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles  you.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Will Rogers said, ‘Everyone is ignorant if you get them off the subject in which they were educated.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Life is full of ends but it is never ‘The End,’ because every ending is a new beginning.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “The best advice is the one asked for.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Mark Twain once said, ‘I am an old man and remember a lot of troubles,  most of which never happened.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Arguing with a fool is like mud wrestling with a pig.  After awhile it dawns on you that they both are enjoying it and besides, both activities are a waste of time and you end up covered with mud.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “The definition we all use for normal people are those who look, think and act like we do and likewise the definition for abnormal people are those who look, think and act differently that we do.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “It is the abnormal people who are always the subject of our prejudice.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Five out of four people are not good at fractions.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “It’s what you learn after you know it all that really counts.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “As Kin Hubbard said: ‘It ain’t a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you are talking about.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “As Kin Hubbard said: ‘Listening is the only way to entertain some folks.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “It is better to have others think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Humans say, ‘Time sure flies while you are having fun,’ and frogs say, ‘Time sure is fun while you are having flies.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Some people have little to say but you have to listen a long time to figure that out.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Saying what you mean and meaning what you say does not always carry the same meaning.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “There are two theories for arguing with a woman………neither one works.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Women have many faults, men have only two.  Everything we say and everything we do.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Mark Twain once asked if a man says ‘I lie,’ is he lying or telling the truth?  If he is telling the truth then he is lying.  If he is lying then he is telling the truth.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “The only way some people can become a ‘bigger liar’ is to put on more weight.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “They say that ‘All fishermen are liars or all liars are fisherman,’ if so, then it only stands to reason that the only time a fisherman is telling the truth is when he calls another fisherman a liar.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Do you know how to tell when a politician is telling the truth?”  “NO.” “Well, nobody else knows either.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Call me a ‘DIM WIT’ or call me a ‘HALF WIT’ but I know more than what I let on and what I do know is a lot of nothing and some even say I am full of it.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Gaining weight is something that ‘snacks’ up on you.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “As Tim Russert quoted in his book, Big Russ and Me, ‘The best exercise of the heart is reaching down and picking someone else up.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “CHANGE changes.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “A glass half full is also a glass half empty.  An empty glass is also full, FULL of nothing.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Go to the next to last STOP sign and make a left handed turn and when you come to the fork in the road, take it.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Line up in a circle alphabetically by height.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes clear to the bone.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “I was born ugly.  What is your excuse?”

ANDY SEZ…..  “One in three people is ugly.  Look to the person on your left and look at the person on your right.  If you do not see ugly in either one, guess what, you are it.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube is a ‘Natural Born’ artist in that he can sit him self down any where and draw flies.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Who is ‘Rube’ you ask?  ‘Rube’ is an unsophisticated character sometimes called a ‘country bumpkin’ or a ‘clod hopper’ and yet is a likable fella that everybody knows  someone who could be named ‘Rube.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Eight year old Alex said that ‘Whittling is using a knife to make wood naked.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Critical Thinking is not the same as thinking critically.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Ben Franklin said, ‘We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Forrest Gump’s mom said, ‘Stupid is as stupid does.’

ANDY SEZ…..  “Growing old is inevitable; growing up is optional.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “As Larry, the Cable Guy said, ‘Light travels faster than sound.  That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “The cows and calves come and go but the same old bull stays and stays.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “The only free lunch is the cheese in the mouse trap.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “It is the early bird that gets the worm while it is the second mouse that gets the cheese.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “What’s it all about? …… You do the hokey-pokey and turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “You can lead a horse to water but a pencil has to be lead.” (Laurel and Hardy routine)

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube has been doing a lot of nothing lately and is getting pretty good at it.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “The person who has nothing to do, how does he know when he is finished?”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Retirement is getting up in the morning with nothing to do and going to bed at night with half of it done.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “An EGO goes nowhere and gets you nowhere in the long run.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “A Know It All can not be taught nor can he teach.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “As William Sloane Coffin said, ‘Love measures our stature: the more we love, the bigger we are.  There is no smaller package in all the world than that of a man all wrapped up in himself.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “There is nothing you can ever do to cause me to think any less of you than I already do.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Be kind to Rube as he only had one best friend while growing up and that friend was imaginary.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “The reason Rube is so sad is because he just found out his imaginary friend likes someone else better.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “As Yogi Berra said, ‘It’s deja vu all over again.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Daja Vu or Deja Vu or Deja Vue is French for ‘Happened Already’  or that feeling that a situation or set of circumstances has happened before.  If that be the case then ‘Daja Moo’ means ‘The same old bull.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “If Deja Vu means ‘Happened Already’ then does Vu Deja mean ‘Has not happened yet?'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Recently the Agriculture Department analysed some political speeches and found they were made up of 98 percent nitrogen, phosphorus and potash and 2 percent inert ingredients.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “A directive from Washington was sent to all governmental offices to destroy all records over six year old but to make three copies of everything destroyed.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube has a musical nose.  He can blow it or pick it.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube played the buffoon in the band.

ANDY SEZ…..  “There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.” (Fortune Cookie by way of Don Butler)

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube suffers from being psycho-ceramic, he is a crack pot.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “There are two kinds of people in this world and you are one of them.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “There are three kinds of people in this world, those who learn by reading, those who learn by observation and the rest who touch the Wet Paint.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “There is a very thin line between being a genius or an idiot.  You are right on the line.  Cross it carefully.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Some people choose not to think about things they don’t think about.  The critical question is do we think about things we do think about.” (quote by Don H. Alexander)

ANDY SEZ…..  “There are three signs of getting old.  The first one is Forgetfulness……..and the other two…….uh…….uh……uh…… I can’t remember.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Of all the things I have ever lost, I miss my mind the most.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “There are three stages in a man’s life.  They are ‘little boy,’ ‘middle age,’ and ‘Hey, you’re looking good.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “And then there is a final stage in a man’s life that says, ‘Doesn’t he look natural?‘”

ANDY SEZ…..  “An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.”  (Nicholas Murray Butler)

ANDY SEZ…..  “He who knows nothing and knows he knows nothing, he is a scholar; teach him. He who knows nothing and thinks he knows something, he is a fool; shun him. He who knows something and thinks he knows nothing, he is unsure; enlighten him. He who knows something and knows he knows something, he is wise; follow him.” (Bruce Lee)

ANDY SEZ…..  “He who thinks he knows, knows nothing.  He who knows he knows nothing, knows.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube does not have a sense of humor.  There is much about him that is humorous but he has no sense.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube will never be able to participate in a Class Action Suit because he has no class, he is so lazy that there is no action and he does not have two pieces of clothing that match, thus no suit.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “As humorist Kin Hubbard said, ‘I don’t look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Be humble with your accomplishments by always remembering that the higher the monkey climbs the more of his behind you see.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “It is what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him” (Humorist Kin Hubbard)

ANDY SEZ…..  “Politics make strange bedfellows STRANGE.

ANDY SEZ…..  “The secret for making a small fortune from woodcarving is to start out with a huge fortune.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “I have always followed the two rules of success.  Rule number one  is ‘Do not tell everything you know.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Enjoy the gift of memories – the ones remembered and the ones being made.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “What we hear is not always what we hear.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Some people are born ‘foolish’ while others are ‘self made.’

ANDYSEZ…..  “Rube says there are three kinds of math students: those who can add and those who can’t add.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube is neither a perfect idiot nor a smart aleck because there is nothing perfect or smart about him.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube, that is the best idea you ever had.  Better than your other one.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Who says nothing is impossible?  Some people do it everyday.” (An Alfred E. Neuman quote)

ANDY SEZ…..  “It takes one to know one–and vice versa.”  (An Alfred E. Neuman quote)

ANDY SEZ…..  “Most people are so lazy, they don’t even exercise good judgement.”  (An Alfred E. Neuman quote)

ANDY SEZ…..  “Success is peace of mind which is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you were capable.” (A Coach John Wooden quote)

ANDY SEZ…..  “God gave us two ends to use, with one to sit and one the muse.  Success depends upon which we choose.  Heads you win and tails you loose.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Some people suffer from constipation of the mind and diarrhea of the mouth.”

ANDY SEZ….  “I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination.” (An Albert Einstein quote.)

ANDY SEZ…..  “Sometime one pays the most for the things one gets for nothing.”  (An Albert Einstein quote.)

ANDY SEZ…..  “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”  (An Albert Einstein quote.)

ANDY SEZ…..  “Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted.”  (An Albert Einstein quote.)

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube claims that his wife is an angel because she is always up in the air harping about something.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “If you enjoy wasting time, it is not a waste of time.” (as quoted by John Lemmon)

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube is not a complete idiot because he is not all there as some of the parts are missing.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube recently was lost in thought because thinking is unfamiliar territory for him.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube has a ‘one track mind‘  but his train of thought  seldom leaves the station.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “It is hard to have a battle of wits with an unarmed man.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “When Rube attends his class reunion he takes a mirror with him because he is in a class by himself.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “As you journey through life enjoy the ‘little things of life’ because one day it will be those ‘little things’ that become the ‘BIG THINGS.’

ANDY SEZ…..  “Intelligence runs in Rube’s family but in Rube’s case it ran away a long time ago.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Nostalgia is not what it used to be.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Nostalgia:  ‘We wouldn’t go back if we could and we couldn’t go back if we would’.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “It is hard to be nostalgic when you can not remember anything.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Listening to politicians, pundits and opinionated fools is too comfortable (to-come-for-the-bull).”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you wanted.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Yesterday Rube had a thought but did not know what to do with it since it has been such a long time since he had one.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Even though Rube thinks he is ‘God’s gift to women’ yet the only dates he has had are the ones on his calendar.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube says, ‘No matter how little I do, I feel I could do less.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube does not do very much but looks good doing it.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “The Monkey said, ‘Always tell the truth whether it is true or not.'”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Nothing is worse than that moment in the middle of an argument when you realize you are wrong”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Four Stages of Life: l.  You believe in Santa Claus.  2.  You don’t believe in Santa Claus.  3.  Your are Santa Claus.  4.  You look like Santa Claus.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube was educated beyond his intelligence.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “The Old Carver’s Law: ‘Don’t let any wood go uncarved.'”

ANDY SEZ …..  “There is more truth in humor than humor in truth.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube is not too bright in that he still  has training wheels on his brain.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube got scared the other day when he had a thought but did not know what to think of it.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Some people ‘act the fool’ while for others it is not an act.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “On the intelligence scale meter of one to ten, Rube registers in at a minus two.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “It is not hard to drive Rube crazy because for him it is such a short drive.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “In case of an emergency: ‘Grab your coat, get your hat and direct your feet to the sunny side of the street.'”

ANDY SEZ …..  “The difference between a smart person and a know-it-all is: the smart person keeps his mouth shut.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “To avoid the ‘run down  feeling’ cross streets  carefully.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “The trouble with people who have the “gift of gab,” is they never know when to “wrap it up.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Wisdom is simply mature common sense.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you say.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube is chairman of the ‘DO NOTHING Committee’ whose motto is: ‘NOTHING DOING!'”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube once  stopped to think and never could get started again?”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube is known as an “INTELLIGENT WONDER,” in that everyone “wonders” where  is his intelligence.

ANDY SEZ ….. “Never say to your spouse after her appointment at the beauty parlor, ‘Dear, it looks like you have grown immune to the treatment.’

ANDY SEZ ….. “If Rube is a ‘Nobody’ and if ‘Nobody is Perfect’, does that mean the Rube is a ‘Perfect Nobody’?”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube is not very bright and his dimmer switch does not work.

ANDY SEZ ….. “The best thing you  can say about Rube is that he makes the rest of us look Normal.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Crazy is NOT talking to yourself…or even ANSWERING yourself…it is asking yourself to repeat what you just said cuz you didn’t pay attention.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube is SLOW and neither does he move very fast.”

ANDY SEZ ….. ” We are the sum total of our life’s experiences.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Never brag about being  ‘Self Taught’ because someone may say,  ‘You had a FOOL for a teacher.’

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube is a “Matinee Idle” ever since he began taking an afternoon nap.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube has a new job as a ‘FOOL PROOF TESTER’ testing products, systems, technology and ideas to evaluate if they are truly ‘Fool Proof’.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rev. Will B. Dunn of the cartoon strip KUDZU once said, ‘Eternity is like the NBA Play-Offs, only shorter.’

ANDY SEZ….. “Rube is three marbles away from loosing all his marbles.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube was not born, he was laid by the buzzards and hatched by the sun.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube is not a comedian, he is the JOKE.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Today is Rube’s milestone birthday in that his age surpasses his I. Q.”

ANDY SEZ ….. Some people are naturally  stooped over while others are overly stoopid.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “A Weather Warning: ‘Extreme Periods of Scattered Sunshine.‘”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube went on a Natural Food diet until he found out that most deaths are naturally caused.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube heard that most accidents occur within twenty miles of home, so he moved.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “You have to overlook Rube because he is having an “Idiot Attack.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “When Rube has his eyes closed he is not taking a nap, rather he and his imaginary friends are in group therapy.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Wilbur and Orville were the original ‘the Wright stuff.‘”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube does not take a nap, he is just in a perpetual fog.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube is living proof that intelligence does not exist in a vacuum.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “It does not happen very often but once in awhile a “know-it-all” says something right.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube saw his shadow on Ground Hog’s Day and decided not to think for six weeks.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube says on April Fools Day that he is very tired because he has just finished a March of thirty one days.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube is going GREEN  to conserve energy by taking three or four naps during the day.

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube has reached the age where his mind runs lapse of memory.

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube should try another of his multiple personalities because the current one is not working for him.

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube is not stupid, it is that he does not have much luck at thinking.

ANDY SEZ…..  “If Rube speaks and no one listens has he really spoken?

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube’s mind is an open book ~ blank on every page.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Old Friends are the BEST and you are the Best OLD Friend I have.”

ANDY SEZ ….. ” It is not that some people are Stupid, it is that they do not have very good luck at thinking.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “Rube’s Train of Thought has left the station but he was not on board.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube’s Thought Process does not process.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube’s brain is giving him the silent treatment.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube’s brain: the LEFT  side is not RIGHT and the RIGHT side has LEFT.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “When Rube thinks it is a stretch of imagination.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Don’t go to thinking too hard, you seem to be lacking the necessary equipment.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube tries to impersonate an intelligent person but he is only an impostor.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “When it comes to “Intellectual Property,” Rube is  Mentally Homeless.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “In every life a little rain must fall, but in Rube’s case he should build an ark.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube is so intellectually poor that he can not even pay attention.”

ANDY SEZ …..”TIME heals all wounds and wounds all heels.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Marriage is a relationship where one is always right and the other one is the husband.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube is not lazy, rather his transmission has slipped out of NEUTRAL into PARK.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube talks to the squirrels and they listen to him because they think he is NUTS.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Sometimes you have to look hard at a person and remember he is doing the best he can. He’s just trying to find his way, just like you.”  (ON GOLDEN POND)

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube is a man of his word ~ and that word is ‘IDIOT’.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “It has been said, ‘A picture is worth a thousand words,‘ but in Rube’s case, his picture is worth only two ~ ‘OH NO!!!!!’.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube is a ‘Self Made Man” but he never was very handy with the tools of the trade.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube postulated, ‘All fools are POSITIVE,’  to which his listener asked, ‘Are you sure about that?’ and Rube said, “Yes, I am POSITIVE.'”

ANDY SEZ …..  “After listening to some people talk, have you ever wondered who it is that ties their shoes for them?”

ANDY SEZ …..  “If Rube was to say what was on his mind he would be speechless.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Outwit the Dimwit is the Battle of Wits between two unarmed opponents.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube is two floppy shoes short of a complete clown suit.”

ANDY SEZ …..  “Rube’s intelligence is classified as a “No Brain-er.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Kindness is a language that the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” ~ (Mark Twain)

ANDY SEZ …..  According to The Crusty Old Carver , “If you carve ever day and take a bath every day you will never stink.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube said the other day that he was going to start telling the truth for here on out, but don’t believe him, he will lie about anything.”

ANDY SEZ….. “Everyone is a kid once, but in Rube’s case his “once” has lasted over seventy years.”

ANDY SEZ….. “If ‘Second Hand Smoke’ is bad for your health, does this mean that ‘Second Hand Ignorance’ is bad for your intelligence?”

ANDY SEZ….. “My wife says I never listen to her, …… at least I think that is what she said.”

ANDY SEZ….. “Rube has an answer for everyone even if no one asked the question.”

ANDY SEZ….. “Rube’s corn bread is not done in the middle.”

ANDY SEZ….. “There are two rules for the secret of life, … I can not remember the first rule but the second rule says to write down things so you will not forget them.”

ANDY SEZ…..  “If it can be imagined, it can be.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube has a weak imagination because he does not do mental exercises.”

ANDY SEZ ….. ““Rube has a gigantic memory – he can remember things that never even happened and what he cannot remember he makes up.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Marriage is a Psychological Relationship in which one is Psycho and the other is Logical.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube threw away his new ‘Memory Foam Pillow’ because every time he slept on it he had the same recurring dream, over and over again. (a Memory Foam Pillow’ never forgets.)”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube lists the university on his resume, not because he was a student there but because he was ‘studied’ by the university.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Someone gave Rube a dollar and Rube asks ‘why?’ and the person said, ‘Because others were saying, ‘Poor Rube, he does not have any sense.’”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube has a LOT on his mind, a VACANT LOT.”

ANDY SEZ ….. “When Rube bragged about all the things he can do, someone said, ‘Rube can talk a good day’s work.’”

ANDY SEZ ….. “Rube has been nicknamed ‘BLISTERS’ because just like a blister, he shows up after all the work is done.”